The Yamis Move Out
by Yami Bakura's Wife
Summary: Just rated R for some swearing...and some talk....N E way, have you ever wondered what would happen if the three yamis moved out and had to live in the modern world..coping with technology and stuff? I think it would be pretty funny, actually! ^.^ DONE!
1. The Lost Mail

Jessica: So I says, I says to 'em ,"What if the Yami peoples moved out? You know, living together and all...away from the hikaris....and from everyone else who gives them a hard time...I guess...." And then he says, "I think that idea sucks, it sucks like a vacuum!" But what does he know? I don't even know who I was talking to when I said that...or came up with that idea....who knows, maybe I was talkin' to myself...AGAIN....anyways....yeah....okay, and I notice how peoples like to say that Marik is the yami....I don't like that...Malik sounds more evil...so I'm using Malik as the yami, and Marik is the hikari, Like it and/or love it! There is NO option C...errr...D!  
  
Yugi: *claps hand to head* Yami....HOW did you lose the mail?  
  
Yami: ....*shrugs* I dunno....it's just...lost...  
  
Yugi: I sent you to get the mail, and you LOST it! How is that possible??  
  
Yami: I didn't LOSE it! Ninja raccoons attacked me!!  
  
Yugi: Ninja raccoons?! O.o! Yami! You were standing right in front of the door of the house, HOW could you....you DROPPED the mail in the flowers, didn't you?  
  
Yami: No! Ninja raccoons attacked me!!  
  
Yugi: There were no stinkin' raccoons outside the house!!  
  
Yami: Oh, I get it...your mail is more important than the pharaoh's life all of a sudden!  
  
Malik: Yep, that's about it.  
  
Yami: Shut up, Malik!  
  
Yugi: Yami, you're just being stupid!  
  
Yami: *slaps Yugi* How DARE you speak to your pharaoh that way!!! Now, bow before me and BEG for forgiveness!!!!  
  
Yugi: How about...NO.  
  
Yami: *slaps Yugi again* Do as your pharaoh commands! Fall to your knees!  
  
Malik: Ooooooooh....that'll be an interesting show! *Mind is in gutter*  
  
Yami: Not THAT you moron!!!!  
  
Yugi: Yami, I'm just asking you WHERE the mail is!  
  
Yami: I don't KNOW! Now, BOW!! *tries to push Yugi to the ground*  
  
Bakura: Yami didn't lose the mail, I stole it!  
  
Yugi: (to Bakura) You stole the mail? O.o....Oookayy...was there anything for me at least?  
  
Bakura: Um....there was one....it was from Anzu.  
  
Yugi: Really? Anzu? Where is it?  
  
Bakura: I said...there WAS one from Anzu...I burned it.  
  
Yugi: WHAT?!?!  
  
Bakura: No no, no need to thank me, Yugi. It is all in what you people call "citizenship".  
  
Yami: Citizenship...interesting......*turns to Yugi* BOW BEFORE YOUR KING!  
  
Yugi: No!  
  
Ryou: *comes walking in holding his head* Please keep it down...I have a dreadful headache...  
  
Yugi: Ryou? Are you okay? You look like you didn't get much sleep.  
  
Ryou: Oh no...I got sleep..../_\...Bakura had me drinking last night...  
  
Bakura: I did nothing to you! You had mistaken Vodka for Sprite!  
  
Yami: How's that possible?  
  
Malik: Yeah, a bright-ass like Ryou should have been able to smell the difference!  
  
Bakura: Honestly Malik, would YOU smell a drink before you drank it?  
  
Malik: I guess not...but we're not talking about ME, you bonehead! *Bakura growls at Malik*  
  
Bakura: Actually Ryou, you looked pretty funny all drunk. Yeah, it was all like... you had one drink of vodka, and then you gagged at the horrible taste....then you got curious after five minutes and tried some more....you slowly drank the little glass you had....then you had another....then another....then another.....and another....then you started drinking the other liquor hanging out around there...and then you sang Celine Dion songs all night until you totally passed out.  
  
Ryou: Oh dear....how could I do something like that?  
  
Malik: Well, it's better than flashing the author! *Ish smacked in the head with a stuffed kitty cat that appears out of nowhere*  
  
Yugi: Here, Yami. *Gives Yami an envelope* Take this and drop it in the red box at the end of the street. Can you do that WITHOUT doing something stupid or losing it??  
  
Yami: *salutes* OF course I can!!  
  
Yugi: Hmmmm....I don't trust you alone...Bakura, you go with him!  
  
Bakura: Awww...but I don't want to....  
  
Ryou: Are you sure that's a safe idea, Yugi?  
  
Yugi: Hmmmm....maybe I should send Malik with you two also.... (man, is he stupid or what? I mean, I wouldn't even trust MYSELF to go to a mailbox to drop something in!!) 


	2. They Want to Move!

*The three walk down the street to the mailbox*  
  
Yami: Okay, Yugi said to put this into the box here. *holds the letter out* Take the letter! *Nothing happens....duh!*  
  
Malik: Hmm....It seems to be more complex than just telling it what to do, Yami....  
  
Yami: You don't think I can't see that?! I'm the pharoah, I know EXACTLY what I'm doing! *Turns to the mailbox* Take the letter! I command you!  
  
Bakura: ......*Kicks the mailbox* Take it, dammit!!  
  
Malik: Here! *grabs the letter and starts waving in front of the mailbox sexually* Yeah, take it! You know you waaaaaaant it!  
  
*A woman and her child walk down the street and see Malik*  
  
child: O.o...Mommy? What is that man doing?  
  
woman: Nothing! Nothing at all....*pushes her child ahead, then turns to the yamis* You people are sick!!!!!!! *leaves*  
  
Bakura: What IS she rambling on about?   
  
Yami: Yeah, we have no time for foolishness! We must get this beast to eat this letter, then return to our horrible hikaris! *The three of them shudder*  
  
Malik: Why do we have to live with them anyway?  
  
Marik: Because you three are NOTHING without us! *Takes the letter from Malik and shoves it into the mailbox* You three can't even figure out how to use a simple mailbox!  
  
Yami: I knew that's how you put it in...but I didn't want to show off...  
  
Malik: (To Yami) You have no problem showing off anything else!  
  
Yami: ....Shut up, Malik!  
  
Marik: See? You three are stupid without us!  
  
Bakura: Well, maybe we'll move out then!  
  
Yami: Yes, that is exactly what we shall do!  
  
Marik: Ha! That's a laugh. You three trying to cope with technology is just hilarious at the very thought!  
  
Yami: You'll see! We can do anything that you people can do!  
  
Marik: Like use a mailbox?  
  
Malik: We were just having fun! We were bored today, we usually have no time to deal with such incompetent creatures such as this "mailbox" you speak of.  
  
Bakura: Exactly. (They agree on something....WOW O.O...)  
  
Yami: So that's it, we're moving out then! And we'll show our loser-boy hikaris that we can take care of ourselves! We can live on our own, we'll be just fine! 


	3. Their Apartment

*So yes, they move out. Fun!! Wheeeooowheeeooo!! ^.^*  
  
Bakura: We can live on our own, we'll be just fine.  
  
Yami: I already said that.  
  
Bakura: I know. But you realize that I'm a thief, and I have to steal something.  
  
Malik: Wow, he is so desperate to steal something that he stole WORDS. *Bakura growls at Malik*  
  
Yami: Now now! No time for mindless bickering! We must now settle into our new accommodation....this "apartment" as Yugi claimed it was.  
  
Bakura: *Looks around the room* ....Interesting.  
  
Malik: ....Could use quite a lot of black though.  
  
Yami: Malik....are you planning on making a black hole or something?  
  
Malik: Possibly...^_^  
  
Bakura: (to Malik) _ Your head is already a black hole. *Malik growls at Bakura*  
  
*The phone rings*  
  
Yami: Ahh! What is that horrible noise??  
  
Malik: It....it sounds like what those mortals call "bees!"  
  
Bakura: *Looks at the phone in the corner of the room* No, you idiot! The noise is coming from that crazy contraption on the wall! *The three surround the phone*  
  
Malik: What is it doing?  
  
Yami: It is making noise.  
  
Bakura: WHY?! *is annoyed that the phone won't stop ringing*  
  
Malik: What do we do??  
  
Yami: Hmmm....*straightens up and holds his hand out at the phone* Silence!......*the phone keeps ringing...of course*......SILENCE!!!.....Please....please shut up....  
  
Bakura: Some pharaoh YOU are!  
  
Yami: (To Bakura) Shut up, at least I'M trying!  
  
Bakura: Oh, you want me to try? I'll try.....*Takes the millenium rod from Malik and hits the phone right off the wall*  
  
Malik: HEY! *Growls viciously at Bakura. Bakura returns the growl....and the millenium rod*  
  
Yami: Bakura...you got it to be quiet! ..Huh? *Can hear a tiny voice from the phone say ,"Yami?"*.....O.o....*picks up phone receiver thingy*...Yes?? What is it that you want? *voice tells Yami to put the receiver thingy up to his ear*...Okay....like this? Is this how you want it?  
  
Yugi: *Is on the other line* Okay...can you hear me clearly?  
  
Yami: Um....yeah..  
  
Yugi: Okay, that means you're doing fine, Yami.  
  
Yami: *jumps back* H-how does this object know my name?!  
  
Yugi: Yami....you're talking to Yugi.  
  
Yami: No I'm not! I am talking to a weird-shaped device that knows my name!  
  
Yugi: Yami....this is how you talk to someone when you are far away from them. This is how we communicate...through TECHNOLOGY.  
  
Yami: O.O.....Ohhh....I get it...I guess. So what do I do?  
  
Yugi: You talk through it...like I said, communicating...this is how we communicate.....besides e-mail.  
  
Yami: O.o....E....Mail?  
  
Yugi: Nevermind.  
  
Yami: This is amazing. The crazy thing wouldn't shut up until Bakura hit it.  
  
Yugi: Yami, this is called a telephone.  
  
Yami: Tele...phone?  
  
Yugi: Yes....and...did you just say that Bakura HIT the phone?  
  
Yami: Oh yes, Bakura took the millenium rod and hit the "hellaphone". It shut up right away.  
  
Yugi: TELEphone....and you don't have to hit it to make it "shut up". You just pick it up and start talking in it like you are now. It RINGS, and that's the noise it makes, and it won't stop ringing until the person gives up trying to call you, or until you answer it.  
  
Yami: Answer?  
  
Yugi: Picking it up and talking into it.  
  
Yami: Oh.  
  
Yugi: Yeah, anyway, what I was calling about before I gave you a technology lesson was I was just checking to see how you are. You sure you three are all right by yourselves?  
  
Yami: Oh yes. We are getting along splendidly! *Bakura and Malik in the background are circling each other with a readied knife in their hands..you know, like an arena or something*  
  
Yugi: Okay....so I guess I'll let you go now, and I'll talk to you later or something.  
  
Yami: Um...Okay.  
  
Yugi: Okay...so...bye.  
  
Yami: O.o.....Bye?  
  
Yugi: Oh yeah..um...Yami, you are supposed to hang up the phone.  
  
Yami: Oh...okay! *literally, hangs up the phone. Hangs the telephone cord on a nail on the wall, with the receiver hanging*  
  
Yugi: No, Yami. I don't think you've got it. Like....put the phone back the way you had it before you started talking to me.  
  
Yami: Oh, okay. *picks up the phone then drops it on the floor*  
  
Yugi: I still don't think you've got it quite yet. Put it back the way it was BEFORE Bakura hit it.  
  
Yami: Ohhh! I got it! *Puts the phone back on the wall and hangs up the receiver. Picks up the receiver and puts it to his ear* Like that, Yugi?....Yugi?...Hello?...Hmm...Interesting. *hangs it back up* 


	4. Bills?

*The next day...the landlord comes by! Da da da dum!! ^.^*  
  
Landlord: *starts banging on the door* Hey! Open up, ya bums!  
  
Yami: *Opens the door* What?! What is with this infernal racket, you undomesticated ruffian!  
  
Landlord: EXCUSE me? What did you call me?  
  
Yami: You heard me, you freeloader! Now what do you request of me, you deprived peasant?  
  
Landlord: O.o....Listen here, you! You didn't pay your rent! (amazing...they just moved in and already have to pay rent....talk about a psychotic landlord, huh?)  
  
Yami: Pay what?  
  
Landlord: You know, your RENT, your bills, you idiot!  
  
Yami: HA! I'm the pharoah, I don't need to pay bills!  
  
Landlord: Phhhtt....Pharoah, huh? What do you think you are, Egyptian or somethin'? What, you come from ancient Egypt or somethin'? *starts laughing*  
  
Yami: Why, yes I do come from ancient Egypt. How nice of you to notice. Maybe you aren't a lost cause, hooligan. I can see a bright future for you!  
  
Landlord: O.o....*laughs harder* Yeah, that's great....*notices that it is very dark in the apartment*...What are you guys doing in here anyway? You don't seem to have any power on.  
  
Yami: Do what?  
  
Landlord: *barges right into the dark and powerless apartment. Looks and sees Bakura and Malik sitting around on the living room floor* Geez...are you guys just stupid or what? Haven't you even been watching the tv?  
  
Malik: The what?  
  
Landlord: The tv! In the corner of the room! *points at tv*  
  
Bakura: Really? Is that what that strange box would happen to be?  
  
Yami: What does it do?  
  
Landlord: O.O....Have you people been living in the dark ages or something?! *walks over and turns the tv on* See? TV! Television!  
  
Yami: *gasps* Just like the "tollyphone!"  
  
Landlord: What? Dude, honestly, you people have problems. You're just like those crazy people in England. All driving on the left side of the road, talking in their crazy-ass accents. They're totally killing the earth, huh? *starts laughing*  
  
Bakura: WHAT?!? *Runs up and holds a knife to the landlord's throat* Are you mocking me?! (Dude, I know he's an egyptian too, but he's got the accent man! ^.^)  
  
Landlord: I-I-oh....AAHHHH!! *Runs out the door*  
  
Bakura: O.O...Wow....I'm good! (Damn right he's good....good lookin'! DAMN!! ^.^)  
  
Malik: Hehehehehehehehhehehehehehe!!! ^_^  
  
Bakura and Yami: O.o....Malik?  
  
Malik: You two HAVE to see this! *starts pushing the channel button on the tv. The tv starts switching channels of course.*  
  
Bakura and Yami: O.O...Wowwwww......  
  
Bakura: HOW does it do that?!?  
  
Yami: That's...that's...astonishing....  
  
Bakura: Hmm? *Holds stomach*....I'm hungry...  
  
Malik: *stops switching channels* Me too!  
  
Yami: Yep..  
  
Bakura: But....we have no food!  
  
Malik: *turns to Yami* You're the pharoah! You decide what we do, if you're so great!  
  
Yami: Why, that's simple! We do what the modern day people do....we go shopping! 


	5. Shopping

*Shopping...fun! ^.^*  
  
Bakura: So....what exactly do we look for?  
  
Malik: Food, you moron!  
  
Bakura: I said, what EXACTLY do we look for, you moron! *death glares are exchanged between the two*  
  
Yami: Quit squabbling! We just look for food....and other things that seem interesting...like those ladies over there...*points at two ladies who are reading the labels on soup cans and comparing the health labels and prices*  
  
Bakura: O.O...We have to do THAT?  
  
Yami: Yes. Now let's go. We'll all split up and meet back here after.  
  
*the three split up and head to different areas of the grocery store*  
  
Malik: *ventures down the cereal isle*....Yeah...hmm? *picks up a box of Lucky Charms* O.O....I wonder how many poor men they cut up to fill this box...(put your mind in the gutter, people!)  
  
*a little kid comes running crying down the isle and clings to Malik's leg*  
  
kid: Mommy mommy!!   
  
Malik: O.o''..... HELP!!! I'm being attacked by....um....a thing!!!!  
  
kid: *looks up at Malik* O.O!....*Starts shrieking* YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY!!!! I WANT MY MOMMY!! LEAVE ME ALONE SCARY MAN!! *People start staring at them*  
  
Malik: _ YOU LITTLE BRAT! Of course I'm not your mother, foolish child!! *the kid's mother comes running down the isle*  
  
mother: You stay away from my child, you horrid man!  
  
Malik: EXCUSE me?! I didn't do anything to that..that THING! *the mother hits Malik with her purse*  
  
mother: Go away!! Leave us alone!   
  
Malik: I didn't-*SMACK! The woman hits him again* OWWW! STOP IT! *runs away*  
  
Bakura: *finds a six-pack of coke*...Coke.....hmmm...*looks to the right of the coke.*.....Diet Coke....*to the right of the diet coke*....Vanilla Coke.....*to the right of the vanilla coke*...Cherry Coke??? O.O...Interesting....*sees a bottle of ketchup*...Hmmm...maybe we could use this. *looks beside the ketchup to see catsup*...Hmmm...Ketchup...Catsup....Ketchup....Catsup....'!!'O.O''...ARRRGHH!! What's the difference!! *Store working people look at Bakura. Bakura glares at them* You people are despicable!! *Runs away with the ketchup and catsup bottles in his hands. He runs right into Malik*  
  
Malik: ACK! Watch where you're going, you filthy hoodlum!  
  
Bakura: I say the exact same thing to you!  
  
Malik: *Looks at the bottles in Bakura's hands* What are those?  
  
Bakura: These people are crazy!! Look!! *holds up the bottles* Ketchup...Catsup!! KETCHUP.....CATSUP!!! WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?!?!?!?! (No really, what IS the difference??!? My parents won't tell me, so I hope it's nothing bad)  
  
Malik: Exactly, these people are crazy. Look at THIS. *holds up a jar of mayonnaise* Mayo, they call it. That does NOT look like "mayo" to me! What kind of economy are these fools running? They better hope that a sick little kid doesn't get a hold of this stuff! (put your mind in the gutter to understand it. If it's in the gutter and you still don't understand...look at a jar of mayo and ask yourself what it looks like...you get it now, don't you?)  
  
Bakura: Uggghhh...that is repulsive....  
  
*Yami walks past one of those funky gumball machines that plays music and keep telling you to put in ,"25 cents"*  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: *Jumps* ACK!! *Turns to the machine*...W-what do you want from me?...Speak now!! What is it that you want?  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: 25 cents?? What's that?  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: Stop it! Tell me what this 25 cents is!  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: SILENCE!   
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: S-silence!! *starts quivering*  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: Stop!! *is scared* Help!!! Help me!!!! *turns back to the machine* Please....don't hurt me...  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: HELP!! HELP ME!! OH, RA! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!! *Bakura and Malik hear Yami screaming and come running to him*  
  
Malik: What are you doing?  
  
Yami: I think it's a terrorist! *points at the machine*  
  
machine: 25 cents! *Bakura and Malik jump*  
  
Bakura: What is it after?  
  
Yami: I don't know.....I don't know!!! And I can't move...I don't know if it'll hurt me either....  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: *starts screaming*  
  
Bakura: *turns to the machine* WHAT is a "25 cents", anyway?!  
  
Malik: It appears to be what the peculiar object is after.  
  
Bakura: I see that......*back to the machine* State your business with the crazy-ass pharoah!  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Bakura: *starts shaking the machine* WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!  
  
Malik: Maybe it too is after the millenium items, Bakura.  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Malik: O.O.... ARE YOU MOCKING ME?!?   
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Malik: Oh, I DON'T THINK SO! NOT ONLY AM I KEEPING MY MILLENIUM ROD, BUT I'M TAKING THE MILLENIUM ITEM THAT YOU POSSESS ALSO!!!...Now what is it?  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Bakura: Your millenium item is 25 cents?  
  
machine: 25 cents!  
  
Yami: Impossible!!! There are only 7 millenium items!...Unless you include Kaira-chan's millenium katana...but other than that, there are only 7!  
  
Bakura: And there are three here right now....maybe four..*turns to the machine and starts kicking it* HAND IT OVER!  
  
Malik: I don't think so you white-haired weirdo! I'M going to get it!!!! *starts to beat up the machine also. Gumballs spill all over the floor*  
  
Bakura: *After they have both brutalized the machine* So where is it? This "25 cents"??  
  
Malik: Hmmm..it was probably a set-up.  
  
Yami: *picks up a gumball* Maybe is this a 25 cents?  
  
Malik: O.O....You know...it COULD be!  
  
Bakura: You mean...there isn't a millenium item hiding somewhere in this building?  
  
Yami: I guess not...just these...  
  
Bakura: We did all that just for some colourful BALLS?! *People give Bakura weird looks. Bakura growls at the people* What are YOU looking at?!  
  
*So they finally finish shopping...and now their only problem is...where do they get money?*  
  
Malik: So....apparently we can't leave until we...pay for this stuff....I guess....  
  
Bakura: Why don't we just steal it?  
  
Yami: I'm not stealing anything!  
  
Malik: (To Yami) Well, do YOU happen to have any of their odd currency to PAY for it all?!  
  
Yami: Ha! I'm the pharoah, I don't need to pay.  
  
Malik: Try to tell that to them, the landlord even laughed at you when you said you didn't need to pay him!  
  
Yami: Yeah, well..uh...um....  
  
Bakura: I STILL say we steal it.  
  
Yami: Hey, I've got an idea. How about we just walk right out of the building with the food? I mean, who's going to notice?  
  
Malik: Good idea.  
  
Bakura: *shrugs* Well, technically it IS stealing. *They go to leave the store. Security starts to chase after them*  
  
Security guard 1: HEY! GET BACK HERE! *Malik, Bakura and Yami stop*  
  
SG2: Where do you guys think you're going with that?  
  
Bakura: Well...umm...*looks at Malik*  
  
Malik: We uh....yeahhhh.....*looks at Yami*  
  
Yami: Well...uh...you see, guards...we um...uh....*points behind Malik and Bakura* Bakura! Malik! Quick, look over there!  
  
Malik and Bakura: What? *They both look the other direction*  
  
Yami: *turns back to the security guards* RUN!! *The security guards run away stupidly*....Phhht...idiots.. 


	6. Cooking

Malik: Okay, we stole the food!  
  
Bakura: Yep...we have food now...  
  
Yami: Yep...  
  
Malik, Bakura and Yami: HOW DO WE COOK IT?!  
  
Bakura: Let's just start a fire!  
  
Yami: No!! We'll burn down the building!  
  
Malik: Yes. We have to find another way to cook it....but what?   
  
Yami: We have to do what the modern day people do.  
  
Bakura: Well...what do the modern day people do to cook?  
  
Malik: Wait! They use this goofy gadget! *points at the microwave*  
  
Yami: Malik!! You're a genius...ONLY if you find out HOW to use it! (I'd like to thank Jackie now for giving me this crazy idea! ^.^)  
  
Malik: Huh?...Well...it's simple, actually...I know I've seen Marik use it before...crazy it was. Now you just...um...*looks at the microwave. Pushes the button to open the door. The door flies open and hits Malik in the face* Oww...okay...I've got it! *throws a pizza pop in and closes the door* Now...COOK! *It does nothing*  
  
Yami: ....O.o....What does it do?  
  
Malik: Hmmm....*opens the door and looks at the still frozen foodstuff-thing. Closes the door again* Wait...I've got it! *pushes Yami in front of the microwave* Here! YOU tell it to cook!  
  
Yami: What?  
  
Malik: You're the pharoah, you tell it to cook, it'll obey, and it'll cook!  
  
Yami: Hmmm...you're right! *Turns to the microwave* COOK! Heheheh...*They check it again, then close the door*  
  
Malik: What the hell? WHY isn't it working?!  
  
Bakura: Have you noticed that whenever Yami gives an object an order, nothing happens?  
  
Yami: ........Shut up, Bakura! It'll work just fine! *turns back to the microwave* WORK DAMN YOU!!!  
  
Malik: I'm sure it...what are these little things for? *looking at the buttons on the microwave*  
  
Bakura: Hey, why don't we just use this? *points at stove*  
  
Yami: That thing can cook?  
  
Bakura: Yeah, I've seen Ryou use it.  
  
Malik: Really? So....how do you use it?  
  
Yami: Yeah, Bakura. Do YOU even know how to use it?  
  
Bakura: Of course I do! I've watched Ryou carefully, I've seen him use it plenty of times! *Turns to the stove* You just twist this, then you push this, then you open this and then you---  
  
*15 minutes later, the entire apartment building is engulfed in flames*  
  
Yami, Malik, Bakura: O.O...*watching the building burn down from the outside with the many other occupants of the building*  
  
Yami: (To Bakura) _ You've seen Ryou use it PLENTY of times, eh, Bakura?  
  
Malik: (To Bakura) You know EXACTLY what you're doing, eh, Bakura?  
  
Bakura: _...Shut up. At least I did better with it, unlike that stupid little box that Malik was toying with!  
  
Malik: At least I didn't burn down the building!  
  
Bakura: At least I got somewhere with cooking!  
  
Malik: Oh, yeah? Well...I..um....At least I didn't burn down the building!  
  
Bakura: Shut up.  
  
Malik: Now what do we do? We've got nowhere to live!  
  
Yami: Well then....we'll find somewhere else to live!  
  
Bakura: Where?  
  
Yami: Hmmmm....in those other buildings!!*points at more apartment buildings*  
  
Malik: ...Sounds good.  
  
*So, they go talk to the landlord of another apartment building* 


	7. We Need Another Place

Landlord: You three are in luck. I have one more.  
  
Yami: That's good.  
  
Landlord: Okay...so it's the three of you, right?  
  
Yami: Yes.  
  
Landlord: Okay, and your names?  
  
Yami: Oh...well um...names...  
  
Bakura: *runs in front of Yami* Kaiba.  
  
Landlord: O.o....Kaiba?  
  
Bakura: Yes....*sweat drops*  
  
Malik: Seto Kaiba!!  
  
Landlord: But...but...Mr. Kaiba does not...he...he lives in a mansion!  
  
Bakura: *sarcastic* Oh, yeah. You go right ahead and only think of Seto...but what about poor Mokuba?  
  
Landlord: Mokuba Kaiba lives with Seto Kaiba!!  
  
Bakura: You liar!  
  
Malik: Yeah, we are like, Mr. Kaiba's best friends, and like...yeah...he told us to watch Mokuba for him!  
  
Bakura: Yeah! Look, you're making Mokuba upset! *points at Yami*  
  
Yami: Huh? Uh-oh yeah! *pretends to cry*  
  
Landlord: That-that can't be Mokuba!  
  
Malik: It is!!  
  
Landlord: That...that...hmmmm....How old are you, Mokuba?  
  
Yami: I'm um....um...um...*looks at Bakura and Malik for help*  
  
*The real Mokuba comes walking into the building and up to the Landlord*  
  
Mokuba: Excuse me, sir. Would it be alright if I used your phone? I have to call my brother.  
  
Landlord: O.O...Who are you?  
  
Mokuba: I'm...I can't tell you.  
  
Landlord: Why not?  
  
Mokuba: My older brother told me not to tell anyone.  
  
Landlord: I know who you are...you're Mokuba!! Mokuba Kaiba!  
  
Mokuba: ''O.O!! Wha-I mean...NO!  
  
Landlord: It's okay, Mokuba! I know Seto. I'll take you home to your brother if you like.  
  
Mokuba: Huh? No!! What's the secret password?! (awwww...he's so adorable....unlike MY little siblings...sisters...monsters...same thing....)  
  
Landlord: I know it!! *dances around singing, "I'm a Little Teapot"*  
  
Mokuba: Yep, that's it...Okay! I trust you! ^.^  
  
Landlord: Heheh! Uh...HEY! *turns to the three yamis* If HE'S Mokuba, then WHO are you three?!  
  
Yami: Um....  
  
Malik: Yeah..uh...  
  
Bakura: *mutters to Yami and Malik* I'll handle this....*turns to the Landlord*...why that's simple you abnormal man! We....are con artists!  
  
*In five minutes, the three yamis are thrown in jail*  
  
Yami: Nice one, yet AGAIN, Bakura.  
  
Bakura: How was I supposed to know that being a con artist was illegal here?  
  
Malik: Isn't it illegal anywhere?  
  
Bakura: Ohhh...  
  
Malik: You moron.  
  
Bakura: Hey, I don't see YOU trying to help us in any way!  
  
Yami: *walks up the cell door* Can we be let out, please?  
  
cop: I don't think so, you multi-coloured starfish!  
  
Yami: I BEG your pardon?! How dare you talk to the pha-ACK!! *Malik pushes Yami out of the way before he can make a fool of himself again*  
  
Malik: Please, officer! We didn't know better...  
  
Bakura: Yeah, we're not REALLY con artists....I think....OUCH!! *Yami kicks Bakura a little TOO late*  
  
Malik: Uh-what he means is...we are just of group of teenage trouble-makers. You know? A couple of crazy school kids just having fun....uh.."CHILL...ing...out!", you know?  
  
cop: Well...you three really don't look like the type to cause MAJOR trouble...(shows how much THAT cop knows! LOL)...okay, you three can go. *unlocks the door and lets them out*  
  
Malik: (To Bakura) *Mimics Bakura* "Hey, I don't see YOU trying to help us in any way!"  
  
Bakura: Oh, shut up.   
  
*A lady cop goes to open the front door of the police station for them*  
  
Malik: *walks up to the lady cop* Oh, thank you so much, dear lady. You have a pleasant evening, now.  
  
Lady cop: Oh, you're such a gentleman. Why would someone like you be nice to "lil' ol' me"?  
  
Malik: *flirtive smiles* 'Cause I like you!  
  
*Three seconds later, the three yamis are back in the jail cell*  
  
Bakura: (To Malik) *sarcastic* Ohhhh...smooth move! Yeah, looks like someone's getting laid tonight! *Yami snickers*  
  
Malik: Shut the hell up!  
  
Bakura: Well look what you've done, you moron! We're right back where we started!  
  
Yami: And no place to live either....  
  
Malik: Yes we do...we're living here now.  
  
Bakura: I don't want to live in a place where you have to sleep in the same room! You know how many disgusting freaks like you *referring to Malik* could be watching me sleep at night?!  
  
Malik: Phhht...as if anyone would want to watch YOU sleep at night.  
  
Bakura: Oh, yeah? As if anyone would want to watch YOU sleep at night!  
  
Malik: Someone DOES, actually!  
  
Bakura: Oh, really? Who would that be?  
  
Malik: The author's best friend! Jackie!! ^.^...Her nickname is even NAMED after me!! (Hehe! Ishtar-chan! =^.^=)  
  
Yami: (To Malik) SO?! Kaira AND Yami Kaira like watching ME sleep at night! *he just HAD to brag! ^.^....even though Malik looks disgusted*  
  
Bakura: Phhht...who cares? Let's just find a house...  
  
Malik: *sarcastic* Awwwwww....is Bakura pouting because nobody wuvs him? *Bakura glares*  
  
Bakura: (to Malik) You are stupider than you look. *Malik is seriously offended*  
  
Yami: I'LL find us a place to live!! Right now! *Malik and Bakura look at him and ask at the same time, "HOW?"*....Like this...~ahem~....AUTHOUR!!!!!!  
  
Jessica: *appears in the jail cell*....Yeeeeessss??? ^_^  
  
Yami: Yeah...we sort of need a place to stay...you know....a house.  
  
Jessica: O.o....*is confused* A house? WHY??  
  
Bakura: (To Jessica) Don't you pay attention to what you write?! Remember, I burned down the last place!!  
  
Jessica: You-huh?!...Wait...OH YEAH....You DID burn the apartment down....(I'm a real dough-head, aren't I? ^.^)  
  
Bakura: (To Jessica) Geez! You really are stupid!  
  
Jessica: *turns away and gives a deep, day-dreamish sigh* He called me stupid! ^.^ *Bakura: O.o +sweat droppies*  
  
(*Far off on the "Not Needed Characters Bench", Jonouchi crosses his arms and pouts as he watches Bakura and Jessica*  
  
Jonouchi: Hmph! She never went all day-dreamish when I called her stupid...and crazy..and all those sort of names!! *glares with severe hatred at Bakura*)  
  
Malik: *looks entirely disgusted* Um...house...NOW....  
  
Jessica: (to Malik) . HOLD YOUR HORSES!!!!!.....~ahem~....Now...where was I? Oh, yes....I WILL give you three a house!  
  
Yami: Yea!!!!....Uh....WHY? And for what price??!  
  
Jessica: Heeheee! ^.^...For free, you goofball!  
  
Yami: Free? Are you feeling okay?  
  
Jessica: Oh, yes, thank you. And yes, for free. You're just lucky that I've recently dropped my deep love for Jonouchi...'cause, you know how it is, when you like a guy...and some BITCH comes along and takes him on you...'cough'Mai'cough'....you really can't take him, can you?...Oh, but then again...someone ELSE here hasn't been called yet! And so, because I am madly in love with Bakura, you three shall have a free house!! *Malik and Yami jump up and down for joy....Bakura stares with sweat drops*  
  
Bakura: (To Jessica) SO?! It doesn't mean I like YOU!  
  
Jessica: Heehee!! Not yet, my dearest Bakura...but SOON! ^.^  
  
Bakura: I'd doubt it. *Jessica sighs, then disappears, leaving the yamis in front of a new house* 


	8. The New House

*The three yamis walk inside their new home and look around it*  
  
Yami: Ooooh....look!! There's a "jellyhitchin" (television), and...and...OOH!! A "hollytone!" (telephone...need I say more?)  
  
Malik: (To Yami) O.o....are you okay?  
  
Yami: No, actually I'm bored. *the doorbell rings*  
  
Bakura: *answers the door. Sees Ryou standing outside with a plate of cookies*..o.O..What do you want?  
  
Ryou: ^.^ Welcoming you into your new home...and we brought cookies!!  
  
Bakura: ...Hmph...we don't need your stinkin' cookies! *slams the door in Ryou's face*  
  
Ryou: ''O.O''....B-Bakura....*turns around and walks back down the sidewalk to Yugi and Marik*  
  
Yugi: (to Ryou) So...what happened?  
  
Ryou: They...they didn't take them....*a single tear rolls down his cheek*  
  
Marik: O.o....HERE! I'LL do it! *takes the plate from Ryou and marches back up to the house and rings the doorbell. The door suddenly swings open and Bakura jumps out*  
  
Bakura: AHA! I KNEW you'd be back!!...Huh? *looks at Marik*....What do you want?  
  
Marik: Do you know HOW long it took us to bake these damn things for you three? The least you can do is accept our generosity and take them. Look, you've upset Ryou! *Points down the street at Ryou who just glares at Bakura then turns away*  
  
Bakura: O.o....Phht...I already told him...we don't need your stupid cookies! Now get off our property!!  
  
Marik: NO!! Not until you take the damn cookies!  
  
Bakura: No! We don't need them!  
  
Marik: Take them!  
  
Bakura: NO!  
  
Marik: Well, then. I guess we're not leaving until you take them.  
  
Bakura: What?! That's insane! Get your loser asses off of our property!  
  
Marik: Make us!  
  
Bakura: I will! ~ahem~....AUTHOUR!! *Jessica appears again*  
  
Jessica: Yes, Bakura dear? ^.^  
  
Bakura: *Is pretending he didn't hear, "dear"* They won't get off of our property!!  
  
Jessica: Hmmm..*turns to Marik* That's against the law, you know.  
  
Marik: We're not leaving until those three take these damn cookies that Yugi, Ryou and I made for them!  
  
Jessica: *with a really sweet girly voice* Hee hee! Silly, Marik! ^.^..You know damn well you can't give Bakura anything...only I can!  
  
Marik: Huh?  
  
Bakura: What? O.o  
  
Jessica: (To Marik) Well, what if you still had raw eggs in those that can give him food poisoning..or some weird deadly chemical mixed in with the cookie dough when you made them....Bakura could die (again), and then you'd have a very VERY upset author. So, to prevent any accidents or "accidents" only I can give him any type of food....don't give him any clocks or watches either.  
  
Marik: But-  
  
Jessica: *holds hand out at him for silence* But nothin'.  
  
Marik: How do we know that you won't give him food poisoning, though?  
  
Jessica: .....O.O'' *eye twitching. Is smiling sweetly...or is trying....it looks more like she's smiling maliciously, and her voice is quivering*...Wwwhhaat??  
  
Marik: I mean, how do we know that you won't mess up and like...accidentally kill him or something?  
  
Jessica: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE AUTHOUR!! *Slaps Marik*  
  
Marik: OWW! ;_;....I was just asking!!  
  
Jessica: *slaps Marik again* DON'T ASK THE AUTHOUR STUPID QUESTIONS!!  
  
Marik: Chill out!! I mean, what if you poured in Hydrochloric acid in or something?!  
  
Jessica: WHY WOULD I HAVE A CHEMICAL LIKE THAT IN A KITCHEN AREA!??!?!?!  
  
Marik: But-  
  
Jessica: GET OUTTA HERE!! GET! GET!!! NONE OF YOU ARE ALLOWED TO GO NEAR BAKURA AGAIN!! *Ryou starts crying. Jessica sighs* Ryou...you're his hikari, you've got an exception...and I like you too!! ^.^...(But I would ALWAYS choose Bakura first....^.^)...As for YOU TWO....*turns to Yugi and Marik* GET OUTTA HERE!! *Starts swinging at them with a shoe box* SHOO! SHOO!!! (LOL, you get it, right? "Shoo" box! HAHAHAHAHA!!...Yeah, I'm pathetic) 


	9. The Hikari Disaster

*That night....*  
  
Malik: I....I think I've got it!!! *puts the bread in the toaster and pushes the handle down*....Okay...now what do we do?  
  
Yami: I don't know....Bakura, what do you propose we do? (I wish Bakura would PROPOSE to me! ^.^ LOL)  
  
Bakura: I don't know...wait until it does something?  
  
Malik: That is THE most brainless thing ever.....how do you know we even do that?!  
  
Yami: _..Yeah, Bakura....HOW do you know?  
  
Bakura: I've seen Ryou use this thing before. *points at toaster*  
  
Malik: Yeah, that's exactly what you said when you used the big metal box thing with the four coils on it...._ *Namely, the oven*  
  
*The toaster pops, the three of them jump*  
  
Yami: *turns to the toaster* DON'T SCARE YOUR PHAROAH LIKE THAT, YOU VULGAR CONTRAPTION!  
  
Malik: Yeah!! To the depths of hell with thee!! *Has no idea what he just said*  
  
Bakura: Look!! The bread is cooked!  
  
Yami: Well what do you know? Cooked bread! *takes the toast out of the toaster and takes a bite out of it*...Mmmm....very good cooked bread....*turns the toaster* but very discourteous of you nonetheless!  
  
Bakura: See? I told you I've seen Ryou use it before....  
  
Malik: Hmmm...what about eggs! *pulls out two eggs and walks back over to the toaster*  
  
Bakura: Um....Malik...I don't think I've seen Ryou use that thing for eggs. *looks at the oven/stove* I know I've seen Ryou use that thing for eggs.  
  
Malik: Yeah, then you burned the whole apartment building thing down!  
  
Bakura: No...I'm serious.  
  
Yami: Sure...whatever, Bakura. Malik, put the eggs in the thing.  
  
Malik: Yep.  
  
Bakura: Nope. *turns to Yami* Are you just a stupid pharoah or what? You don't even know what's going to happen if he puts those eggs in there!  
  
Yami: Everything will be fine, Bakura. Besides, even YOU don't know what'll happen!  
  
Bakura: Hmmm...true! *Turns to Malik* Put the damn eggs in already!!  
  
Malik: I'll actually agree with you on that one, Bakura. *shoves the eggs in the toaster and pushes the handle down. Electrical spark-things fly everywhere...heehee...it's funny!*  
  
Yami: It's gonna start another fire!! Quick, Malik! Do something!  
  
Malik: Like what?!  
  
Yami: *sees the cord plugged into the wall, sparks flying from it* There!! Pull that thing out!  
  
Malik: I can't touch it, it looks like it's going to attack back or something...  
  
Bakura: I'LL do it!! *grabs a fork and tries to dig the plug out of the outlet. The breaker goes out and all the power is off in the house, and Bakura is zapped.* (Funny really, I got that idea from my little sister when she was only five or six...I was about 10 or 11...my dad was cooking kraft dinner and weiners for supper, and my sister...sitting at the table with her fork already, stuck it into the empty outlet, which, blew sparks, and blew the breaker...phhht...you babies, she was fine! Nothing happened to her. We still have the melted fork to this very day!! ^.^)  
  
Yami: Ummm....Author....we um...need some uh....light...please...  
  
Malik: Yeah...  
  
Yami: ....Author? Hello?????   
  
Malik: Yeah!! We need some light!!  
  
Jessica: *is nowhere to be seen* Go turn the damn breaker back on!!  
  
Yami: The what?  
  
Jessica: The breaker!....It's down in the basement.  
  
Malik: Hey, you're like a magical person. Why don't you just use that damn keyboard of yours and type us in some light or something?  
  
Jessica: How about....NO? Now quit being lazy and go turn on the breaker!  
  
Yami: Okay....*walks over to a door* Is this the door that leads to the dungeon?  
  
Jessica: The basement? Yes, yes it is.  
  
Yami: Okay....*opens the door and walks in, but trips and falls down the stairs* OW!! Dammit!!  
  
Malik: Are you okay?  
  
Bakura: Yeah, you didn't die again, did you?  
  
Yami: No....I just didn't know that there were STAIRS behind the door.  
  
Malik: Funny, you don't see ME tripping down the stairs! *True, Malik isn't TRIPPING down the stairs....Bakura is PUSHING Malik down the stairs! ^.^...then BAKURA trips and falls down the stairs!!*  
  
*The three of them get up and start looking around for the breaker*  
  
Yami: What does this "breaker" you speak of look like, author?  
  
Jessica: It is a box on the wall....with many switches.  
  
Bakura: How are we supposed to see switches? We can't even see our own hands in front of us...ACK!! *Just walked into the dryer*  
  
Malik: Bakura, can't you do ANYTHING without making a fool of yourself? Hahahaha-ARRRRRGGHHHHH!!!! *Has tripped over the bottom edge of the water heater and fallen into a cold cement wall*  
  
Yami: (To Malik and Bakura) Ha ha-OW, SON OF A-!! *walked face first into the breaker*....Is this it???  
  
Jessica: Yes, Yami. That is the breaker.  
  
Yami: Okay, you said there are switches on it?  
  
Jessica: Everywhere!  
  
Malik: *squints and can barely see the outline of the switches* Which one?  
  
Jessica: It's the switch that is facing the opposite direction of the others.  
  
Yami: So.....these are all facing down, does that mean that we switch this one that is facing up?  
  
Bakura: I know!! It's this one!! *flicks a switch. Gets electrocuted again. But the power is back on in the house*  
  
Yami: Yeah!! We can see again! *Looks at Bakura and realizes that Bakura's hair is standing up* O.O...Wow, funky hair, Bakura.  
  
Bakura: What? *Looks in a nearby mirror and sees his hair standing up* ACK! *Turns to Malik* Oh, great!! Now I look like YOU! _  
  
Malik: Oh, shut up. There's nothing wrong with looking like me! You're just jealous because I look good.  
  
Yami: Naw, Malik. He's just happy to see you.  
  
Bakura: WHAT?!!?   
  
*The three of them suddenly hear banging on the front door*  
  
Yami: Who's that? *goes back upstairs and opens the door. Marik runs inside the house*  
  
Marik: You guys...have to come quick!!  
  
Yami: What? What happened??  
  
Marik: Yugi's become so lonely and un-influenced that he's started his own stripper club in our house, and Ryou's been kidnapped by Martha Stewart!!  
  
Bakura: Martha Stewart?!! That bitch!!!!  
  
Malik: (To Marik) Really?!  
  
Marik: Actually....no...none of it is true...we just really miss you guys and want you to come back...  
  
Yami: Why?  
  
Marik: Well...it's been peaceful ever since you left...we miss you guys totally trashing the place...and Bakura playing with the bug zapper....  
  
~~FLASHBACK~~  
  
Bakura: *looking at the bug zapper in the backyard* Hehehe!! Hey,guys!! Look at this stupid thing!! *laughing histerically at the bug zapper*  
  
Yami: Bakura, what is that?  
  
Bakura: I don't know, but it's hilarious! Hmmm....*walks up and touches the bug zapper. Gets electrocuted* (That's the funny thing about that incident, actually. I have the Sims for Gamecube, and I had made the characters of the "Yugi-man" show...and yeah...made them as characters in the Sims game...and Bakura had started laughing at the bug zapper, then a few seconds later, he touched it and got zapped....funny as hell...that's where the bug zapper idea just came in...I learn from the Sims!! ^.^)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Marik: Anyway, that's not the point!! The point is...everything has been clean, no alcohol's been touched...and people keep beating us up for money!  
  
Malik: Why didn't you just kick them?  
  
Marik: Well, we tried to take self-defense classes....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Instructor: Okay, ladies. Now scream as loud as you can, I want to hear you tell them to leave you alone! All together now! *Women start screaming things like, "Get away from me", and "don't touch my purse"*  
  
Yugi: DON'T TOUCH MY BREASTS! *giggles*  
  
Ryou: LET GO OF MY PURSE!!  
  
Marik: THIS IS STUPID!!!!!! *turns to Yugi and Ryou* And this is a women's course.  
  
Yugi: Yeah, well there are no MEN'S self defense classes around here.  
  
Ryou: That's sad...women need classes to learn how to protect themselves and men don't...  
  
Marik: What's so sad about it?  
  
Ryou: It must be hard to be a woman...having to live in a world full of untrustworthy men.  
  
Marik: O.o....Okay, that's it, I'm getting you the hell outta here. *Grabs Ryou and Yugi and drags them out of the class, all the while Yugi's screaming, "DON'T TOUCH MY BREASTS!!"..and giggling some more*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yami: Yugi, that little pervert....  
  
Marik: But yeah....we really want you guys to come back!!  
  
Yami: Hmm...but no..honestly, none of that stuff happened? Like, Ryou kidnapped by Martha Stewart, and Yugi with the stripper club?  
  
Marik: Nope, not true...err..except the Martha Stewart one.  
  
Malik: WHAT?!  
  
Marik: Yeah..um...that just goes to show you, never show up Martha Stewart....see...Ryou was watching the show, and she's started a mail thing where she reads the letters on the show...and well, she put a bowl on a table with red roses and red wildflowers, and Ryou wrote and said that because they're both red, you really can't tell which types of flowers are there, so he said to use yellow roses instead...and well, she read the letter, then switched the red roses with yellow instead...which then she got comments saying that they liked Ryou's idea MUCH better...so she kinda got jealous I think...  
  
Bakura: When did this happen?!  
  
Marik: Oh, about half an hour ago, actually. Yeah, Yugi, Ryou and I were all like, sitting around on the couch talking about how we missed you guys and all, then Ryou got up and left the room for a second...then we heard Ryou scream...of course Yugi and I didn't do anything, we thought nothing of it at the time, I mean, Ryou screams about everything, doesn't he? But then after a few minutes, we got up thinking, "What the hell? Is he hiding on us or something?" and when we walked into the kitchen, the window was open, he wasn't there...and judging by the red roses and red wildflowers that had magically appeared on the table, we knew right away that it was Martha Stewart...crazy, huh?  
  
Bakura: Great...now my hikari's been kidnapped by a psycho prison woman, and it's all YOUR fault!! *points at Yami*  
  
Yami: ME?! What for??  
  
Bakura: "Well, maybe we'll move out then!"  
  
Yami: That was YOU who suggested we move!  
  
Bakura: Yeah, well YOU agreed to that stupid suggestion!!  
  
Marik: So...will you guys come back??  
  
Malik: I'm going back!! I don't want to go shopping again!  
  
Yami: Hmm...Yeah...*thinks back to the gumball machine and shudders* that sounds good...and I don't want to have Bakura cook again.  
  
Bakura: Hmph...I did better than Malik...  
  
Yami: At least Malik was able to COOK bread!  
  
Bakura: I cooked lots of other things besides bread!! I cooked the whole building, and it had many different types of food in it!  
  
Anyway, to put an even longer story short...the yami peoples moved back in with their hikaris. And yes, they rescued Ryou...well, actually, I "attempted" the rescue mission, but accidentally on purpose got captured myself so that Bakura would come to save Ryou...AND me!! ^.^ Yeah, I'm pathetic....and creative!! ^.^  
  
THE END 


End file.
